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| Andee |
Did we have fun or what? I found this in some old saved files and it
was
posted by Grannybird, leaving me to think that in those days I must
have
been taking some mighty good drugs!
(warning: long read)
(please see the disclaimer at the bottom of the page)
And then there were none....
January 16, 2001
After the most controversial election in US history, the country
prepares for the inauguration of President-elect George W. Bush.
Seven
of his most vocal supporters, however, will not be watching the
festivities. The seven, all members of the newsgroup rec.pets.birds
have all died in the past two months. These seven will be forever
linked together due to the strange circumstances behind their earthly
exits.
High Flight was the first to go on the day after Thanksgiving. He was
enjoying his weekly Scrabble game while watching the CNN coverage of
the Gore vs. Harris Supreme Court trial. Suddenly, the batphone
started blinking, alerting him to the fact that some newbie had just
broke the posting rules on rec.pets.birds, when they asked what to do
about a fluffed up 'keet that quit eating. In his rush toward his PC,
his shoelace became caught in the card table, causing the contents to
fly in the air. Unfortunately, one of the Scrabble pieces became
lodged in Jack's throat, choking him. The coroner was asked, for
trivia's sake, what
Scrabble piece it was that took out Jack.. The coroner replied "I
believe it was a Question Mark".
Second person to check out was Mamabird , who met her
maker at a freak accident during the W.W.F. Survivor Series. MB
had drained her saving account in order to buy a front row seat for
the
event, to be near her idol, wrestler Mark Calloway. Calloway, known
professionally as the Undertaker, was wrestling Kurt Angle in one of
the main events. The two grapplers were wrestling outside the ring
when the Undertaker attempted to jump off the rope onto Angle. Angle
moved out of the way and the Undertaker landed squarely on top of
MB, crushing her. A fellow ringsider said that he believed that
MB actually moved so that the Undertaker would land on her. In a
strange stance, fellow rec.pets.birds member Snowbird insists that
Mamabird's death is not valid, because pro wrestling is "fakery".
On December 15, Jerry left the house early dawn in order to
get in line early to get Steven Speilberg's autograph during a book
signing at the local Barnes and Noble. He was involved in a
fiery 8 car collision on I-95, as befuddled drivers crashed into each
other on the newly striped freeway in the morning fog. The freeway
was immediately closed when it was determined that the second and
third
lanes of the freeway criss-crossed each other several times. Drivers,
attempting to drive in lane 3, accidentally ended up being in lane 2,
and vice-versa. In an ironic twist to the story, the driver of the
car
that hit Jerry turned out to be his Godmother.
New Year's eve was a particularly bad day, as two of the newsgroups
most ardent conservatives perished. Wheeler was at a big party
and was playing charades with several friends in the backyard.
Wheeler
took his turn describing the phrase which was "Gunfight at the OK
Corral." To be more realistic, Wheeler had grabbed a stick to pretend
it was a gun while he was acting out the phrase. Unfortunately
Wheeler
was unaware that neighbors had called the police to report a loud
noise. Instead of knocking at the door, the police went around to the
back. Wheeler was shot down by a police officer, as he was acting out
the word "gunfight." The officer said it was dark and Wheeler
appeared
armed. A police review concluded that the officer was justified in
the
shooting.
In New York City, Cigar Smoker 9 was on his way to a Manhattan party.
He
was crossing the street and listening to Rush Limbaugh's New Years
address on his Walkman. He never saw the Presidential Motorcade,
carrying President and Senator Clinton to a celebration at the Met
until
it was too late. No one will ever forget the moving Newsweek cover
photo of Bill Clinton desperately giving CgrSmkr9 mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation, as they waited for help to arrive.
By now, everyone is familiar with the death of Dan Spencer. Spencer
was tragically shot while on a winter hunt with President-elect George
W. Bush and Governor Jeb Bush. The official story is that Spencer was
accidentally shot by a member of the Texas Rangers who mistook him for
an antelope. There have been several other theories come to light on
exactly what happened. One story has it that everyone had been
drinking heavily. George W Bush had decided to get in the jeep and go
to the store to get more beer. Fearing that Bush was too drunk to
drive, Spencer pulled out his bible and preached to Bush. The men
started fighting and Spencer was shot. A second theory also involves
heavy drinking. The story goes that Spencer had passed out and the two
Bush brothers were arguing over which one of them was the most
prolific
executioner. Next, it has been reported, they tied Spencer to a tree
and flipped a coin and took turns trying to shoot Spencer.
The strange death of these six had struck a fear in all of the other
rec.pets.birds regulars. Laurie had posted several threads
linking President Clinton to these deaths. Laurie had become so
fearful of her own life that she hadn't set foot outside of her house
in
over three weeks when the police found her body yesterday. Officials
haven't ruled on the cause of death but say it is probably natural
causes. They have noticed a few bizarre things at the crime scene,
however. The strangest finding was that all of the websites
bookmarked
on Laurie's PC had been converted to lynx and her ISP had been
changed.
__________________________________
Disclaimer: The above is a parody. All the events are totally
fiction. All of the above people are alive and well, and living
happily ever after. Grannybird does not call for any of the events to
ever, ever happen.
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| Debbie Krug |
"Andee" <Athibode@salud.unm.edu> wrote in message
news:9cd05a1d.0401131149.3289d126@posting.google.com...
> Did we have fun or what? I found this in some old saved files and it
> was
> posted by Grannybird, leaving me to think that in those days I must
> have
> been taking some mighty good drugs!
> snip>
Thanks for the laugh. Good to "see" ypu again. BTW, do you have any of those
drugs left?
--
Debbie, Dusty (CAG) and Casperella (U2)
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