| Paul E. Jamison |
A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
- 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
- Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
(A mouse appears, wearing a chef's cap and holding a dripping ladle.)
Mouse: "That's what *he* thinks! I've got borscht simmering on the
stove, and it needs stirring!"
- The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
- In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
(Several stockings are hung from the mantelpiece - one for Paul, one for
Murphy, one for Max, one for Sammy, and a whole *lot* for the Skippys.)
- The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
- While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
(Murphy and Max, two Sable ferrets wearing little scalloped baby
bonnets, are snuggled together in bed.)
Murphy: "What *is* a sugar plum, anyway? Is it a plum covered in sugar
or a piece of candy shaped like a plum?"
Max: "Gee, I don't know, Murph. Sir - what's a sugar plum?"
- Er - uh - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
- Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
(Paul, with a cap, and Sammy, a Dark-Eyed White ferret wearing a
kerchief over a blonde wig, are in bed together. Sammy sits up.)
Sammy: "Look, I didn't object to taking this gig, but has anyone told
you that you *snore*?"
- Thanks a lot - When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
- I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
- Away to the window I flew like a flash,
- Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
(Paul sees Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and Skippy, members of the crack team
of Albino ferret mechanics, standing around the smoking Civil War
Cannon.)
Paul: "Hey! Late Christmas Eve is *not* the time for firing practice!"
Skippy: "Sorry, boss. We've been busy shopping lately!"
- The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
- Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
- When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
- But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
(A sleigh, pulled by eight Albino ferrets wearing fake antlers, comes
flying through the air.)
- With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
- I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
(The sleigh is being driven by Skippy-Santa, an Albino ferret who is
going "Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over. Skippy-Santa has been
hitting the special Christmas punch quite a bit lately.)
- More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
- And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
- "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
- On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Dunder and Blixem! - the last two are the
original names; look it up.
- To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
- Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
(Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem struggle to
pull the sleigh through the air. Skippy-Santa has been hitting the
Christmas fruitcake quite a bit lately, too.)
- As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
- When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
- So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
- With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
- And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
- The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
(The ferret reindeer frantically scramble to stay on the roof. A gable
roof is really not suitable as a landing pad.)
- As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
- Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
(Standing in from of the fireplace is Skippy-Santa, and he's not alone.
With him is Skippy, an Albino ferret dressed in green with a peaked cap
and shoes with turned-up toes.)
Paul: "Hey, who are you?"
Skippy: "I'm Skippy-Santa's helper. You don't seriously expect a little
ferret to carry a big sack full of toys on his own, do you?"
Paul: "Well, I don't expect ferrets to fly, either."
Skippy-Santa: "Look, can we get on with this and leave the philosophical
discussions for later? We're working to a schedule here. Ho, ho, ho!"
- He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
- And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
Skippy-Santa (brushing off his suit): "You know, you really need to
clean that chimney. It's bad enough to be a pollution hazard."
- A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
- And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
- His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
- His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
- His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
- And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
Skippy-Santa: "White as the snow? After I came down *that* chimney? I
should be so lucky!"
- The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
- And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath - Hey, who was
talking about pollution just now?
Skippy-Santa: "Don't get personal, bud - not unless you're looking
forward to getting a stocking-full of coal!"
- Duly noted - He had a broad face and a little round belly,
- That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
Skippy-Santa: "My cue - Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" (Skippy-Santa continues to
laugh until a squishy plastic bag starts slipping out from beneath his
red coat.)
Skippy-helper: "Psst! You're losing your belly!"
Skippy-Santa: "What - yipes!" (Skippy-Santa stops laughing and stuffs
the gel-pack back up under his coat.)
- He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
- And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
- A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
- Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
(Skippy-Santa, on hearing this, looks at a big present with Paul’s name
on it. He snickers but says nothing.)
- He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
- And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
Skippy-helper: "Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!"
Skippy-Santa: "He wasn't talking about you."
Skippy-helper: "Oh."
Skippy-Santa (under his breath): "Jerk."
- And laying his finger aside of his nose,
- And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
(Skippy-helper leans forward to look up the chimney, pulling back to
dodge some dislodged soot.)
Paul: "That was a neat trick. How'd he do that?"
Skippy-helper: "I don't know. What I'm worried about is how do *I* get
up there?"
(A white paw in a red sleeve reaches down from the flue to grab
Skippy-helper's collar. Skippy-helper shouts "WHOA!" as he’s pulled up
the chimney.)
- I guess that answers that - He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave
a whistle,
- And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
(Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem groan and
gasp and wheeze as they attempt to get the sleigh into the air. Skippy,
Skippy, Skippy and Skippy are in the back now with the Cannon, and the
sleigh is a lot heavier than before.)
Skippy-Prancer: "I should've taken that job offer - *pant*, *pant* -
with Animal Planet. Working in television sounds nice right now."
Skippy-Comet: "Hey, we're getting Time-and-a-half for this! Besides, the
Medical plan is great!"
Skippy-Dunder: "We're gonna *need* a great Medical plan pretty soon!
Does anyone know if it covers trusses?"
- But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
Skippy-Santa: "Okay, back there! Ready... aim..."
Skippy-Vixen: "Oh, NO!!"
Skippy-Blixem: "Take me now, Lord..."
Skippy-Santa: "FIRE!"
*BOOOOOOMMM!!*
(The recoil causes chaos. The sleigh tumbles around and loses half of
its altitude. All of the ferret reindeer are clawing at the air, their
eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out like they're demented,
somehow finding enough reserves to keep her aloft. Skippy-Santa,
Skippy-helper and the Cannon Crew have fallen out and are hanging on to
the sides of the sleigh.)
(The charge soars to altitude and explodes, showering the group with
tinsel, candy canes, glitter and red-and-green M&Ms in Plain, Peanut,
Pemmican, Ferretone, Fay's Lemon Bars, Twinkie Weiner Sandwich, Alfalfa,
Eggnog, Haggis, Yorkshire Pudding, Cheese and all the popular flavors.)
Skippy-Santa (climbing back into sleigh): "I guess that wasn't such a
good idea."
Skippy-helper (frantically trying to get Skippy-Santa's attention):
"Psst! *Hey*! (Points at audience) "We're not done here!"
Skippy-Santa: "Huh? Oh, right!
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
(The sleigh lurches off into the distance, to the merry sounds of "Ho!
Ho! Ho!" ("Aww, button it, laughing boy!"), while Paul, Murphy, Max,
Sammy, and the remaining Skippys gather together and sing a classic
Christmas Carol)
"Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
"Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacola hullabaloo!"
(Thank you, Walt Kelly)
*****
To everyone on alt.pets.ferrets: Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men
(and women, and the animals that depend on us), a Merry Christmas and a
Happy New Year, from Paul and the Cannon Crew
|
|
|
| Isotope |
Thanks Paul... a lovely way to start a Christmas morning :o)
Isotope
"Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net> wrote in message
news:3FEA2C12.F6096778@infionline.net...
> A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
>
> - 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
> - Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
>
> (A mouse appears, wearing a chef's cap and holding a dripping ladle.)
> Mouse: "That's what *he* thinks! I've got borscht simmering on the
> stove, and it needs stirring!"
>
> - The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
> - In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
>
> (Several stockings are hung from the mantelpiece - one for Paul, one for
> Murphy, one for Max, one for Sammy, and a whole *lot* for the Skippys.)
>
> - The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
> - While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
>
> (Murphy and Max, two Sable ferrets wearing little scalloped baby
> bonnets, are snuggled together in bed.)
> Murphy: "What *is* a sugar plum, anyway? Is it a plum covered in sugar
> or a piece of candy shaped like a plum?"
> Max: "Gee, I don't know, Murph. Sir - what's a sugar plum?"
>
> - Er - uh - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
> - Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
>
> (Paul, with a cap, and Sammy, a Dark-Eyed White ferret wearing a
> kerchief over a blonde wig, are in bed together. Sammy sits up.)
> Sammy: "Look, I didn't object to taking this gig, but has anyone told
> you that you *snore*?"
>
> - Thanks a lot - When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
> - I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
> - Away to the window I flew like a flash,
> - Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
>
> (Paul sees Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and Skippy, members of the crack team
> of Albino ferret mechanics, standing around the smoking Civil War
> Cannon.)
> Paul: "Hey! Late Christmas Eve is *not* the time for firing practice!"
> Skippy: "Sorry, boss. We've been busy shopping lately!"
>
> - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
> - Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
> - When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> - But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
>
> (A sleigh, pulled by eight Albino ferrets wearing fake antlers, comes
> flying through the air.)
>
> - With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
> - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
>
> (The sleigh is being driven by Skippy-Santa, an Albino ferret who is
> going "Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over. Skippy-Santa has been
> hitting the special Christmas punch quite a bit lately.)
>
> - More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
> - And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
> - "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
> - On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Dunder and Blixem! - the last two are the
> original names; look it up.
> - To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
> - Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem struggle to
> pull the sleigh through the air. Skippy-Santa has been hitting the
> Christmas fruitcake quite a bit lately, too.)
>
> - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
> - When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
> - So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
> - With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
> - And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
> - The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
>
> (The ferret reindeer frantically scramble to stay on the roof. A gable
> roof is really not suitable as a landing pad.)
>
> - As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
> - Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
>
> (Standing in from of the fireplace is Skippy-Santa, and he's not alone.
> With him is Skippy, an Albino ferret dressed in green with a peaked cap
> and shoes with turned-up toes.)
> Paul: "Hey, who are you?"
> Skippy: "I'm Skippy-Santa's helper. You don't seriously expect a little
> ferret to carry a big sack full of toys on his own, do you?"
> Paul: "Well, I don't expect ferrets to fly, either."
> Skippy-Santa: "Look, can we get on with this and leave the philosophical
> discussions for later? We're working to a schedule here. Ho, ho, ho!"
>
> - He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
> - And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
>
> Skippy-Santa (brushing off his suit): "You know, you really need to
> clean that chimney. It's bad enough to be a pollution hazard."
>
> - A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
> - And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
> - His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
> - His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
> - His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
> - And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
>
> Skippy-Santa: "White as the snow? After I came down *that* chimney? I
> should be so lucky!"
>
> - The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
> - And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath - Hey, who was
> talking about pollution just now?
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Don't get personal, bud - not unless you're looking
> forward to getting a stocking-full of coal!"
>
> - Duly noted - He had a broad face and a little round belly,
> - That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
>
> Skippy-Santa: "My cue - Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" (Skippy-Santa continues to
> laugh until a squishy plastic bag starts slipping out from beneath his
> red coat.)
> Skippy-helper: "Psst! You're losing your belly!"
> Skippy-Santa: "What - yipes!" (Skippy-Santa stops laughing and stuffs
> the gel-pack back up under his coat.)
>
> - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
> - And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
> - A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
> - Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
>
> (Skippy-Santa, on hearing this, looks at a big present with Paul's name
> on it. He snickers but says nothing.)
>
> - He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
> - And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
>
> Skippy-helper: "Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!"
> Skippy-Santa: "He wasn't talking about you."
> Skippy-helper: "Oh."
> Skippy-Santa (under his breath): "Jerk."
>
> - And laying his finger aside of his nose,
> - And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
>
> (Skippy-helper leans forward to look up the chimney, pulling back to
> dodge some dislodged soot.)
> Paul: "That was a neat trick. How'd he do that?"
> Skippy-helper: "I don't know. What I'm worried about is how do *I* get
> up there?"
> (A white paw in a red sleeve reaches down from the flue to grab
> Skippy-helper's collar. Skippy-helper shouts "WHOA!" as he's pulled up
> the chimney.)
>
> - I guess that answers that - He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave
> a whistle,
> - And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem groan and
> gasp and wheeze as they attempt to get the sleigh into the air. Skippy,
> Skippy, Skippy and Skippy are in the back now with the Cannon, and the
> sleigh is a lot heavier than before.)
> Skippy-Prancer: "I should've taken that job offer - *pant*, *pant* -
> with Animal Planet. Working in television sounds nice right now."
> Skippy-Comet: "Hey, we're getting Time-and-a-half for this! Besides, the
> Medical plan is great!"
> Skippy-Dunder: "We're gonna *need* a great Medical plan pretty soon!
> Does anyone know if it covers trusses?"
>
> - But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Okay, back there! Ready... aim..."
>
> Skippy-Vixen: "Oh, NO!!"
> Skippy-Blixem: "Take me now, Lord..."
>
> Skippy-Santa: "FIRE!"
>
> *BOOOOOOMMM!!*
>
> (The recoil causes chaos. The sleigh tumbles around and loses half of
> its altitude. All of the ferret reindeer are clawing at the air, their
> eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out like they're demented,
> somehow finding enough reserves to keep her aloft. Skippy-Santa,
> Skippy-helper and the Cannon Crew have fallen out and are hanging on to
> the sides of the sleigh.)
>
> (The charge soars to altitude and explodes, showering the group with
> tinsel, candy canes, glitter and red-and-green M&Ms in Plain, Peanut,
> Pemmican, Ferretone, Fay's Lemon Bars, Twinkie Weiner Sandwich, Alfalfa,
> Eggnog, Haggis, Yorkshire Pudding, Cheese and all the popular flavors.)
>
> Skippy-Santa (climbing back into sleigh): "I guess that wasn't such a
> good idea."
> Skippy-helper (frantically trying to get Skippy-Santa's attention):
> "Psst! *Hey*! (Points at audience) "We're not done here!"
> Skippy-Santa: "Huh? Oh, right!
> "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
>
> (The sleigh lurches off into the distance, to the merry sounds of "Ho!
> Ho! Ho!" ("Aww, button it, laughing boy!"), while Paul, Murphy, Max,
> Sammy, and the remaining Skippys gather together and sing a classic
> Christmas Carol)
>
> "Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
> Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
> Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
> Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
>
> "Don't we know archaic barrel,
> Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
> Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
> Boola boola Pensacola hullabaloo!"
>
> (Thank you, Walt Kelly)
>
> *****
>
> To everyone on alt.pets.ferrets: Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men
> (and women, and the animals that depend on us), a Merry Christmas and a
> Happy New Year, from Paul and the Cannon Crew
>
>
|
|
|
| Isotope |
Oh... and doh! A merry Christmas to you and everyone else here!!!
Isotope
"Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net> wrote in message
news:3FEA2C12.F6096778@infionline.net...
> A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
>
> - 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
> - Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
>
> (A mouse appears, wearing a chef's cap and holding a dripping ladle.)
> Mouse: "That's what *he* thinks! I've got borscht simmering on the
> stove, and it needs stirring!"
>
> - The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
> - In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
>
> (Several stockings are hung from the mantelpiece - one for Paul, one for
> Murphy, one for Max, one for Sammy, and a whole *lot* for the Skippys.)
>
> - The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
> - While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
>
> (Murphy and Max, two Sable ferrets wearing little scalloped baby
> bonnets, are snuggled together in bed.)
> Murphy: "What *is* a sugar plum, anyway? Is it a plum covered in sugar
> or a piece of candy shaped like a plum?"
> Max: "Gee, I don't know, Murph. Sir - what's a sugar plum?"
>
> - Er - uh - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
> - Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
>
> (Paul, with a cap, and Sammy, a Dark-Eyed White ferret wearing a
> kerchief over a blonde wig, are in bed together. Sammy sits up.)
> Sammy: "Look, I didn't object to taking this gig, but has anyone told
> you that you *snore*?"
>
> - Thanks a lot - When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
> - I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
> - Away to the window I flew like a flash,
> - Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
>
> (Paul sees Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and Skippy, members of the crack team
> of Albino ferret mechanics, standing around the smoking Civil War
> Cannon.)
> Paul: "Hey! Late Christmas Eve is *not* the time for firing practice!"
> Skippy: "Sorry, boss. We've been busy shopping lately!"
>
> - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
> - Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
> - When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> - But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
>
> (A sleigh, pulled by eight Albino ferrets wearing fake antlers, comes
> flying through the air.)
>
> - With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
> - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
>
> (The sleigh is being driven by Skippy-Santa, an Albino ferret who is
> going "Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over. Skippy-Santa has been
> hitting the special Christmas punch quite a bit lately.)
>
> - More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
> - And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
> - "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
> - On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Dunder and Blixem! - the last two are the
> original names; look it up.
> - To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
> - Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem struggle to
> pull the sleigh through the air. Skippy-Santa has been hitting the
> Christmas fruitcake quite a bit lately, too.)
>
> - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
> - When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
> - So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
> - With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
> - And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
> - The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
>
> (The ferret reindeer frantically scramble to stay on the roof. A gable
> roof is really not suitable as a landing pad.)
>
> - As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
> - Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
>
> (Standing in from of the fireplace is Skippy-Santa, and he's not alone.
> With him is Skippy, an Albino ferret dressed in green with a peaked cap
> and shoes with turned-up toes.)
> Paul: "Hey, who are you?"
> Skippy: "I'm Skippy-Santa's helper. You don't seriously expect a little
> ferret to carry a big sack full of toys on his own, do you?"
> Paul: "Well, I don't expect ferrets to fly, either."
> Skippy-Santa: "Look, can we get on with this and leave the philosophical
> discussions for later? We're working to a schedule here. Ho, ho, ho!"
>
> - He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
> - And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
>
> Skippy-Santa (brushing off his suit): "You know, you really need to
> clean that chimney. It's bad enough to be a pollution hazard."
>
> - A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
> - And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
> - His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
> - His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
> - His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
> - And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
>
> Skippy-Santa: "White as the snow? After I came down *that* chimney? I
> should be so lucky!"
>
> - The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
> - And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath - Hey, who was
> talking about pollution just now?
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Don't get personal, bud - not unless you're looking
> forward to getting a stocking-full of coal!"
>
> - Duly noted - He had a broad face and a little round belly,
> - That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
>
> Skippy-Santa: "My cue - Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" (Skippy-Santa continues to
> laugh until a squishy plastic bag starts slipping out from beneath his
> red coat.)
> Skippy-helper: "Psst! You're losing your belly!"
> Skippy-Santa: "What - yipes!" (Skippy-Santa stops laughing and stuffs
> the gel-pack back up under his coat.)
>
> - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
> - And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
> - A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
> - Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
>
> (Skippy-Santa, on hearing this, looks at a big present with Paul's name
> on it. He snickers but says nothing.)
>
> - He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
> - And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
>
> Skippy-helper: "Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!"
> Skippy-Santa: "He wasn't talking about you."
> Skippy-helper: "Oh."
> Skippy-Santa (under his breath): "Jerk."
>
> - And laying his finger aside of his nose,
> - And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
>
> (Skippy-helper leans forward to look up the chimney, pulling back to
> dodge some dislodged soot.)
> Paul: "That was a neat trick. How'd he do that?"
> Skippy-helper: "I don't know. What I'm worried about is how do *I* get
> up there?"
> (A white paw in a red sleeve reaches down from the flue to grab
> Skippy-helper's collar. Skippy-helper shouts "WHOA!" as he's pulled up
> the chimney.)
>
> - I guess that answers that - He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave
> a whistle,
> - And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem groan and
> gasp and wheeze as they attempt to get the sleigh into the air. Skippy,
> Skippy, Skippy and Skippy are in the back now with the Cannon, and the
> sleigh is a lot heavier than before.)
> Skippy-Prancer: "I should've taken that job offer - *pant*, *pant* -
> with Animal Planet. Working in television sounds nice right now."
> Skippy-Comet: "Hey, we're getting Time-and-a-half for this! Besides, the
> Medical plan is great!"
> Skippy-Dunder: "We're gonna *need* a great Medical plan pretty soon!
> Does anyone know if it covers trusses?"
>
> - But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Okay, back there! Ready... aim..."
>
> Skippy-Vixen: "Oh, NO!!"
> Skippy-Blixem: "Take me now, Lord..."
>
> Skippy-Santa: "FIRE!"
>
> *BOOOOOOMMM!!*
>
> (The recoil causes chaos. The sleigh tumbles around and loses half of
> its altitude. All of the ferret reindeer are clawing at the air, their
> eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out like they're demented,
> somehow finding enough reserves to keep her aloft. Skippy-Santa,
> Skippy-helper and the Cannon Crew have fallen out and are hanging on to
> the sides of the sleigh.)
>
> (The charge soars to altitude and explodes, showering the group with
> tinsel, candy canes, glitter and red-and-green M&Ms in Plain, Peanut,
> Pemmican, Ferretone, Fay's Lemon Bars, Twinkie Weiner Sandwich, Alfalfa,
> Eggnog, Haggis, Yorkshire Pudding, Cheese and all the popular flavors.)
>
> Skippy-Santa (climbing back into sleigh): "I guess that wasn't such a
> good idea."
> Skippy-helper (frantically trying to get Skippy-Santa's attention):
> "Psst! *Hey*! (Points at audience) "We're not done here!"
> Skippy-Santa: "Huh? Oh, right!
> "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
>
> (The sleigh lurches off into the distance, to the merry sounds of "Ho!
> Ho! Ho!" ("Aww, button it, laughing boy!"), while Paul, Murphy, Max,
> Sammy, and the remaining Skippys gather together and sing a classic
> Christmas Carol)
>
> "Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
> Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
> Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
> Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
>
> "Don't we know archaic barrel,
> Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
> Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
> Boola boola Pensacola hullabaloo!"
>
> (Thank you, Walt Kelly)
>
> *****
>
> To everyone on alt.pets.ferrets: Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men
> (and women, and the animals that depend on us), a Merry Christmas and a
> Happy New Year, from Paul and the Cannon Crew
>
>
|
|
|
| oldmolly |
"Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net> wrote in message
news:3FEA2C12.F6096778@infionline.net...
> A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
>
> - 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
> - Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
>
> (A mouse appears, wearing a chef's cap and holding a dripping ladle.)
> Mouse: "That's what *he* thinks! I've got borscht simmering on the
> stove, and it needs stirring!"
>
> - The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
> - In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
>
> (Several stockings are hung from the mantelpiece - one for Paul, one for
> Murphy, one for Max, one for Sammy, and a whole *lot* for the Skippys.)
>
> - The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
> - While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
>
> (Murphy and Max, two Sable ferrets wearing little scalloped baby
> bonnets, are snuggled together in bed.)
> Murphy: "What *is* a sugar plum, anyway? Is it a plum covered in sugar
> or a piece of candy shaped like a plum?"
> Max: "Gee, I don't know, Murph. Sir - what's a sugar plum?"
>
> - Er - uh - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
> - Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
>
> (Paul, with a cap, and Sammy, a Dark-Eyed White ferret wearing a
> kerchief over a blonde wig, are in bed together. Sammy sits up.)
> Sammy: "Look, I didn't object to taking this gig, but has anyone told
> you that you *snore*?"
>
> - Thanks a lot - When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
> - I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
> - Away to the window I flew like a flash,
> - Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
>
> (Paul sees Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and Skippy, members of the crack team
> of Albino ferret mechanics, standing around the smoking Civil War
> Cannon.)
> Paul: "Hey! Late Christmas Eve is *not* the time for firing practice!"
> Skippy: "Sorry, boss. We've been busy shopping lately!"
>
> - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
> - Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
> - When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> - But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
>
> (A sleigh, pulled by eight Albino ferrets wearing fake antlers, comes
> flying through the air.)
>
> - With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
> - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
>
> (The sleigh is being driven by Skippy-Santa, an Albino ferret who is
> going "Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over. Skippy-Santa has been
> hitting the special Christmas punch quite a bit lately.)
>
> - More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
> - And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
> - "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
> - On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Dunder and Blixem! - the last two are the
> original names; look it up.
> - To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
> - Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem struggle to
> pull the sleigh through the air. Skippy-Santa has been hitting the
> Christmas fruitcake quite a bit lately, too.)
>
> - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
> - When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
> - So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
> - With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
> - And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
> - The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
>
> (The ferret reindeer frantically scramble to stay on the roof. A gable
> roof is really not suitable as a landing pad.)
>
> - As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
> - Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
>
> (Standing in from of the fireplace is Skippy-Santa, and he's not alone.
> With him is Skippy, an Albino ferret dressed in green with a peaked cap
> and shoes with turned-up toes.)
> Paul: "Hey, who are you?"
> Skippy: "I'm Skippy-Santa's helper. You don't seriously expect a little
> ferret to carry a big sack full of toys on his own, do you?"
> Paul: "Well, I don't expect ferrets to fly, either."
> Skippy-Santa: "Look, can we get on with this and leave the philosophical
> discussions for later? We're working to a schedule here. Ho, ho, ho!"
>
> - He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
> - And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
>
> Skippy-Santa (brushing off his suit): "You know, you really need to
> clean that chimney. It's bad enough to be a pollution hazard."
>
> - A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
> - And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
> - His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
> - His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
> - His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
> - And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
>
> Skippy-Santa: "White as the snow? After I came down *that* chimney? I
> should be so lucky!"
>
> - The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
> - And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath - Hey, who was
> talking about pollution just now?
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Don't get personal, bud - not unless you're looking
> forward to getting a stocking-full of coal!"
>
> - Duly noted - He had a broad face and a little round belly,
> - That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
>
> Skippy-Santa: "My cue - Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" (Skippy-Santa continues to
> laugh until a squishy plastic bag starts slipping out from beneath his
> red coat.)
> Skippy-helper: "Psst! You're losing your belly!"
> Skippy-Santa: "What - yipes!" (Skippy-Santa stops laughing and stuffs
> the gel-pack back up under his coat.)
>
> - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
> - And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
> - A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
> - Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
>
> (Skippy-Santa, on hearing this, looks at a big present with Paul's name
> on it. He snickers but says nothing.)
>
> - He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
> - And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
>
> Skippy-helper: "Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!"
> Skippy-Santa: "He wasn't talking about you."
> Skippy-helper: "Oh."
> Skippy-Santa (under his breath): "Jerk."
>
> - And laying his finger aside of his nose,
> - And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
>
> (Skippy-helper leans forward to look up the chimney, pulling back to
> dodge some dislodged soot.)
> Paul: "That was a neat trick. How'd he do that?"
> Skippy-helper: "I don't know. What I'm worried about is how do *I* get
> up there?"
> (A white paw in a red sleeve reaches down from the flue to grab
> Skippy-helper's collar. Skippy-helper shouts "WHOA!" as he's pulled up
> the chimney.)
>
> - I guess that answers that - He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave
> a whistle,
> - And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem groan and
> gasp and wheeze as they attempt to get the sleigh into the air. Skippy,
> Skippy, Skippy and Skippy are in the back now with the Cannon, and the
> sleigh is a lot heavier than before.)
> Skippy-Prancer: "I should've taken that job offer - *pant*, *pant* -
> with Animal Planet. Working in television sounds nice right now."
> Skippy-Comet: "Hey, we're getting Time-and-a-half for this! Besides, the
> Medical plan is great!"
> Skippy-Dunder: "We're gonna *need* a great Medical plan pretty soon!
> Does anyone know if it covers trusses?"
>
> - But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Okay, back there! Ready... aim..."
>
> Skippy-Vixen: "Oh, NO!!"
> Skippy-Blixem: "Take me now, Lord..."
>
> Skippy-Santa: "FIRE!"
>
> *BOOOOOOMMM!!*
>
> (The recoil causes chaos. The sleigh tumbles around and loses half of
> its altitude. All of the ferret reindeer are clawing at the air, their
> eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out like they're demented,
> somehow finding enough reserves to keep her aloft. Skippy-Santa,
> Skippy-helper and the Cannon Crew have fallen out and are hanging on to
> the sides of the sleigh.)
>
> (The charge soars to altitude and explodes, showering the group with
> tinsel, candy canes, glitter and red-and-green M&Ms in Plain, Peanut,
> Pemmican, Ferretone, Fay's Lemon Bars, Twinkie Weiner Sandwich, Alfalfa,
> Eggnog, Haggis, Yorkshire Pudding, Cheese and all the popular flavors.)
>
> Skippy-Santa (climbing back into sleigh): "I guess that wasn't such a
> good idea."
> Skippy-helper (frantically trying to get Skippy-Santa's attention):
> "Psst! *Hey*! (Points at audience) "We're not done here!"
> Skippy-Santa: "Huh? Oh, right!
> "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
>
> (The sleigh lurches off into the distance, to the merry sounds of "Ho!
> Ho! Ho!" ("Aww, button it, laughing boy!"), while Paul, Murphy, Max,
> Sammy, and the remaining Skippys gather together and sing a classic
> Christmas Carol)
>
> "Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
> Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
> Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
> Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
>
> "Don't we know archaic barrel,
> Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
> Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
> Boola boola Pensacola hullabaloo!"
>
> (Thank you, Walt Kelly)
>
> *****
>
> To everyone on alt.pets.ferrets: Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men
> (and women, and the animals that depend on us), a Merry Christmas and a
> Happy New Year, from Paul and the Cannon Crew
>
>
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You should write a book about
the ferrets PAul. Another great tale. It brought sentimental, and mirth
tears to my eyes. Simply wonderful.
Happy Yuletide to all the ferrets everywhere.
|
|
|
| jumpingmouse & kylie |
It wouldn't be a real holiday without the Skippys.........thanks Paul!!!
Merry Christmas to you and to everyone and their fuzzies!
jumpingmouse & kylie
"Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net> wrote in message
news:3FEA2C12.F6096778@infionline.net...
> A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
>
> - 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
> - Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
>
> (A mouse appears, wearing a chef's cap and holding a dripping ladle.)
> Mouse: "That's what *he* thinks! I've got borscht simmering on the
> stove, and it needs stirring!"
>
> - The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
> - In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
>
> (Several stockings are hung from the mantelpiece - one for Paul, one for
> Murphy, one for Max, one for Sammy, and a whole *lot* for the Skippys.)
>
> - The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
> - While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
>
> (Murphy and Max, two Sable ferrets wearing little scalloped baby
> bonnets, are snuggled together in bed.)
> Murphy: "What *is* a sugar plum, anyway? Is it a plum covered in sugar
> or a piece of candy shaped like a plum?"
> Max: "Gee, I don't know, Murph. Sir - what's a sugar plum?"
>
> - Er - uh - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
> - Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
>
> (Paul, with a cap, and Sammy, a Dark-Eyed White ferret wearing a
> kerchief over a blonde wig, are in bed together. Sammy sits up.)
> Sammy: "Look, I didn't object to taking this gig, but has anyone told
> you that you *snore*?"
>
> - Thanks a lot - When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
> - I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
> - Away to the window I flew like a flash,
> - Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
>
> (Paul sees Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and Skippy, members of the crack team
> of Albino ferret mechanics, standing around the smoking Civil War
> Cannon.)
> Paul: "Hey! Late Christmas Eve is *not* the time for firing practice!"
> Skippy: "Sorry, boss. We've been busy shopping lately!"
>
> - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
> - Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
> - When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> - But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
>
> (A sleigh, pulled by eight Albino ferrets wearing fake antlers, comes
> flying through the air.)
>
> - With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
> - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
>
> (The sleigh is being driven by Skippy-Santa, an Albino ferret who is
> going "Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over. Skippy-Santa has been
> hitting the special Christmas punch quite a bit lately.)
>
> - More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
> - And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
> - "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
> - On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Dunder and Blixem! - the last two are the
> original names; look it up.
> - To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
> - Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem struggle to
> pull the sleigh through the air. Skippy-Santa has been hitting the
> Christmas fruitcake quite a bit lately, too.)
>
> - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
> - When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
> - So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
> - With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
> - And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
> - The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
>
> (The ferret reindeer frantically scramble to stay on the roof. A gable
> roof is really not suitable as a landing pad.)
>
> - As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
> - Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
>
> (Standing in from of the fireplace is Skippy-Santa, and he's not alone.
> With him is Skippy, an Albino ferret dressed in green with a peaked cap
> and shoes with turned-up toes.)
> Paul: "Hey, who are you?"
> Skippy: "I'm Skippy-Santa's helper. You don't seriously expect a little
> ferret to carry a big sack full of toys on his own, do you?"
> Paul: "Well, I don't expect ferrets to fly, either."
> Skippy-Santa: "Look, can we get on with this and leave the philosophical
> discussions for later? We're working to a schedule here. Ho, ho, ho!"
>
> - He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
> - And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
>
> Skippy-Santa (brushing off his suit): "You know, you really need to
> clean that chimney. It's bad enough to be a pollution hazard."
>
> - A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
> - And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
> - His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
> - His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
> - His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
> - And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
>
> Skippy-Santa: "White as the snow? After I came down *that* chimney? I
> should be so lucky!"
>
> - The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
> - And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath - Hey, who was
> talking about pollution just now?
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Don't get personal, bud - not unless you're looking
> forward to getting a stocking-full of coal!"
>
> - Duly noted - He had a broad face and a little round belly,
> - That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
>
> Skippy-Santa: "My cue - Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" (Skippy-Santa continues to
> laugh until a squishy plastic bag starts slipping out from beneath his
> red coat.)
> Skippy-helper: "Psst! You're losing your belly!"
> Skippy-Santa: "What - yipes!" (Skippy-Santa stops laughing and stuffs
> the gel-pack back up under his coat.)
>
> - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
> - And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
> - A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
> - Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
>
> (Skippy-Santa, on hearing this, looks at a big present with Paul's name
> on it. He snickers but says nothing.)
>
> - He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
> - And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
>
> Skippy-helper: "Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!"
> Skippy-Santa: "He wasn't talking about you."
> Skippy-helper: "Oh."
> Skippy-Santa (under his breath): "Jerk."
>
> - And laying his finger aside of his nose,
> - And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
>
> (Skippy-helper leans forward to look up the chimney, pulling back to
> dodge some dislodged soot.)
> Paul: "That was a neat trick. How'd he do that?"
> Skippy-helper: "I don't know. What I'm worried about is how do *I* get
> up there?"
> (A white paw in a red sleeve reaches down from the flue to grab
> Skippy-helper's collar. Skippy-helper shouts "WHOA!" as he's pulled up
> the chimney.)
>
> - I guess that answers that - He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave
> a whistle,
> - And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem groan and
> gasp and wheeze as they attempt to get the sleigh into the air. Skippy,
> Skippy, Skippy and Skippy are in the back now with the Cannon, and the
> sleigh is a lot heavier than before.)
> Skippy-Prancer: "I should've taken that job offer - *pant*, *pant* -
> with Animal Planet. Working in television sounds nice right now."
> Skippy-Comet: "Hey, we're getting Time-and-a-half for this! Besides, the
> Medical plan is great!"
> Skippy-Dunder: "We're gonna *need* a great Medical plan pretty soon!
> Does anyone know if it covers trusses?"
>
> - But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Okay, back there! Ready... aim..."
>
> Skippy-Vixen: "Oh, NO!!"
> Skippy-Blixem: "Take me now, Lord..."
>
> Skippy-Santa: "FIRE!"
>
> *BOOOOOOMMM!!*
>
> (The recoil causes chaos. The sleigh tumbles around and loses half of
> its altitude. All of the ferret reindeer are clawing at the air, their
> eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out like they're demented,
> somehow finding enough reserves to keep her aloft. Skippy-Santa,
> Skippy-helper and the Cannon Crew have fallen out and are hanging on to
> the sides of the sleigh.)
>
> (The charge soars to altitude and explodes, showering the group with
> tinsel, candy canes, glitter and red-and-green M&Ms in Plain, Peanut,
> Pemmican, Ferretone, Fay's Lemon Bars, Twinkie Weiner Sandwich, Alfalfa,
> Eggnog, Haggis, Yorkshire Pudding, Cheese and all the popular flavors.)
>
> Skippy-Santa (climbing back into sleigh): "I guess that wasn't such a
> good idea."
> Skippy-helper (frantically trying to get Skippy-Santa's attention):
> "Psst! *Hey*! (Points at audience) "We're not done here!"
> Skippy-Santa: "Huh? Oh, right!
> "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
>
> (The sleigh lurches off into the distance, to the merry sounds of "Ho!
> Ho! Ho!" ("Aww, button it, laughing boy!"), while Paul, Murphy, Max,
> Sammy, and the remaining Skippys gather together and sing a classic
> Christmas Carol)
>
> "Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
> Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
> Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
> Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
>
> "Don't we know archaic barrel,
> Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
> Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
> Boola boola Pensacola hullabaloo!"
>
> (Thank you, Walt Kelly)
>
> *****
>
> To everyone on alt.pets.ferrets: Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men
> (and women, and the animals that depend on us), a Merry Christmas and a
> Happy New Year, from Paul and the Cannon Crew
>
>
|
|
|
| Bikerferret |
Hey Paul, thanks for that. Happy Christmas to you too.
"Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net> wrote in message
news:3FEA2C12.F6096778@infionline.net...
> A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
>
> - 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
> - Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
>
> (A mouse appears, wearing a chef's cap and holding a dripping ladle.)
> Mouse: "That's what *he* thinks! I've got borscht simmering on the
> stove, and it needs stirring!"
>
> - The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
> - In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
>
> (Several stockings are hung from the mantelpiece - one for Paul, one for
> Murphy, one for Max, one for Sammy, and a whole *lot* for the Skippys.)
>
> - The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
> - While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
>
> (Murphy and Max, two Sable ferrets wearing little scalloped baby
> bonnets, are snuggled together in bed.)
> Murphy: "What *is* a sugar plum, anyway? Is it a plum covered in sugar
> or a piece of candy shaped like a plum?"
> Max: "Gee, I don't know, Murph. Sir - what's a sugar plum?"
>
> - Er - uh - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
> - Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
>
> (Paul, with a cap, and Sammy, a Dark-Eyed White ferret wearing a
> kerchief over a blonde wig, are in bed together. Sammy sits up.)
> Sammy: "Look, I didn't object to taking this gig, but has anyone told
> you that you *snore*?"
>
> - Thanks a lot - When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
> - I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
> - Away to the window I flew like a flash,
> - Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
>
> (Paul sees Skippy, Skippy, Skippy and Skippy, members of the crack team
> of Albino ferret mechanics, standing around the smoking Civil War
> Cannon.)
> Paul: "Hey! Late Christmas Eve is *not* the time for firing practice!"
> Skippy: "Sorry, boss. We've been busy shopping lately!"
>
> - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
> - Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
> - When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> - But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
>
> (A sleigh, pulled by eight Albino ferrets wearing fake antlers, comes
> flying through the air.)
>
> - With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
> - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
>
> (The sleigh is being driven by Skippy-Santa, an Albino ferret who is
> going "Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over. Skippy-Santa has been
> hitting the special Christmas punch quite a bit lately.)
>
> - More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
> - And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
> - "Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
> - On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Dunder and Blixem! - the last two are the
> original names; look it up.
> - To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
> - Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem struggle to
> pull the sleigh through the air. Skippy-Santa has been hitting the
> Christmas fruitcake quite a bit lately, too.)
>
> - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
> - When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
> - So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
> - With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
> - And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
> - The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
>
> (The ferret reindeer frantically scramble to stay on the roof. A gable
> roof is really not suitable as a landing pad.)
>
> - As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
> - Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
>
> (Standing in from of the fireplace is Skippy-Santa, and he's not alone.
> With him is Skippy, an Albino ferret dressed in green with a peaked cap
> and shoes with turned-up toes.)
> Paul: "Hey, who are you?"
> Skippy: "I'm Skippy-Santa's helper. You don't seriously expect a little
> ferret to carry a big sack full of toys on his own, do you?"
> Paul: "Well, I don't expect ferrets to fly, either."
> Skippy-Santa: "Look, can we get on with this and leave the philosophical
> discussions for later? We're working to a schedule here. Ho, ho, ho!"
>
> - He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
> - And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
>
> Skippy-Santa (brushing off his suit): "You know, you really need to
> clean that chimney. It's bad enough to be a pollution hazard."
>
> - A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
> - And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
> - His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
> - His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
> - His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
> - And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
>
> Skippy-Santa: "White as the snow? After I came down *that* chimney? I
> should be so lucky!"
>
> - The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
> - And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath - Hey, who was
> talking about pollution just now?
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Don't get personal, bud - not unless you're looking
> forward to getting a stocking-full of coal!"
>
> - Duly noted - He had a broad face and a little round belly,
> - That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
>
> Skippy-Santa: "My cue - Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" (Skippy-Santa continues to
> laugh until a squishy plastic bag starts slipping out from beneath his
> red coat.)
> Skippy-helper: "Psst! You're losing your belly!"
> Skippy-Santa: "What - yipes!" (Skippy-Santa stops laughing and stuffs
> the gel-pack back up under his coat.)
>
> - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
> - And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
> - A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
> - Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
>
> (Skippy-Santa, on hearing this, looks at a big present with Paul's name
> on it. He snickers but says nothing.)
>
> - He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
> - And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
>
> Skippy-helper: "Hey! I didn't come here to be insulted!"
> Skippy-Santa: "He wasn't talking about you."
> Skippy-helper: "Oh."
> Skippy-Santa (under his breath): "Jerk."
>
> - And laying his finger aside of his nose,
> - And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
>
> (Skippy-helper leans forward to look up the chimney, pulling back to
> dodge some dislodged soot.)
> Paul: "That was a neat trick. How'd he do that?"
> Skippy-helper: "I don't know. What I'm worried about is how do *I* get
> up there?"
> (A white paw in a red sleeve reaches down from the flue to grab
> Skippy-helper's collar. Skippy-helper shouts "WHOA!" as he's pulled up
> the chimney.)
>
> - I guess that answers that - He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave
> a whistle,
> - And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
>
> (Skippy-Dasher, Skippy-Dancer, Skippy-Prancer, Skippy-Vixen,
> Skippy-Comet, Skippy-Cupid, Skippy-Dunder and Skippy-Blixem groan and
> gasp and wheeze as they attempt to get the sleigh into the air. Skippy,
> Skippy, Skippy and Skippy are in the back now with the Cannon, and the
> sleigh is a lot heavier than before.)
> Skippy-Prancer: "I should've taken that job offer - *pant*, *pant* -
> with Animal Planet. Working in television sounds nice right now."
> Skippy-Comet: "Hey, we're getting Time-and-a-half for this! Besides, the
> Medical plan is great!"
> Skippy-Dunder: "We're gonna *need* a great Medical plan pretty soon!
> Does anyone know if it covers trusses?"
>
> - But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
>
> Skippy-Santa: "Okay, back there! Ready... aim..."
>
> Skippy-Vixen: "Oh, NO!!"
> Skippy-Blixem: "Take me now, Lord..."
>
> Skippy-Santa: "FIRE!"
>
> *BOOOOOOMMM!!*
>
> (The recoil causes chaos. The sleigh tumbles around and loses half of
> its altitude. All of the ferret reindeer are clawing at the air, their
> eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out like they're demented,
> somehow finding enough reserves to keep her aloft. Skippy-Santa,
> Skippy-helper and the Cannon Crew have fallen out and are hanging on to
> the sides of the sleigh.)
>
> (The charge soars to altitude and explodes, showering the group with
> tinsel, candy canes, glitter and red-and-green M&Ms in Plain, Peanut,
> Pemmican, Ferretone, Fay's Lemon Bars, Twinkie Weiner Sandwich, Alfalfa,
> Eggnog, Haggis, Yorkshire Pudding, Cheese and all the popular flavors.)
>
> Skippy-Santa (climbing back into sleigh): "I guess that wasn't such a
> good idea."
> Skippy-helper (frantically trying to get Skippy-Santa's attention):
> "Psst! *Hey*! (Points at audience) "We're not done here!"
> Skippy-Santa: "Huh? Oh, right!
> "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
>
> (The sleigh lurches off into the distance, to the merry sounds of "Ho!
> Ho! Ho!" ("Aww, button it, laughing boy!"), while Paul, Murphy, Max,
> Sammy, and the remaining Skippys gather together and sing a classic
> Christmas Carol)
>
> "Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
> Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
> Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
> Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
>
> "Don't we know archaic barrel,
> Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
> Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
> Boola boola Pensacola hullabaloo!"
>
> (Thank you, Walt Kelly)
>
> *****
>
> To everyone on alt.pets.ferrets: Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men
> (and women, and the animals that depend on us), a Merry Christmas and a
> Happy New Year, from Paul and the Cannon Crew
>
>
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| Ferret Fanatic |
A belated Merry Christmas to all on APF, was outta state so couldn't
access the ng's.
Paul E. Jamison wrote:
> A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS
> By Clement C. Moore or Henry Livingston - take your pick
--
Vicki L. Henderson-aka-Ferret Fanatic
The Fearless FLO!
http://www.geocities.com/vlh1
Taylor, General Kaos and Earnhardt
(ferret in training!)
Sadly missing Buzz,Woody,Jinx, Miss Tizzy & Ginger Snap
who will be in my heart forever.
ICQ: 11898312
NEW! Baby Afghans!
http://www.geocities.com/babyafghans
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